there's been a lot of commotion regarding the 'humane' way of slaughtering animals. let's face it, logically speaking, there is no 'correct' humane way!! the only humane thing to do is to let it live out its life..

now, even if you give the animal much respect and slaughter it by slashing its neck quickly with a sharp blade, there will definitely be those who will oppose this method. it is then suggested that the animals should be stunned first before slaughtering..knocking them unconscious before killing them. in what way will they be stunned? yes, the stun gun, eventually, this will also be seen as a cruel act towards the animals. cummon, admit it..you'll say that eventually..

also, it was suggested that proper boxes to hold the animals for slaughtering should be built. again, it is seen as cruel because it will "stress out" the animal. restraining the animal for the slaughter process IS a stressful time fof the animal, but there is no other way. what, should there be some instrumental music playing at the background to 'soothe' the animal when in pain? just think back to how our forefathers had to slaughter the animals. it is very rugged, very naturalistic but still holds respect for the animals because they know that what they eat will end up as their flesh. hence, the need to properly feed them, take care of them and end their life with the swish of the blade to provide us with meat.

all these debates of how to 'properly' slaughter the animals makes me think back to my literature text "Jude the Obscure" by Thomas Hardy. Jude Fawley, the protagonist of the book, and is wife, Arabella Donn, were to slaughter a pig. Arabella has knowledge of the proper way of killing it, while Jude sympahizes and empathizes with it, trying to kill it as 'humanely' as possible. in the process, he prolongs the suffering of the pig by trying to stab it. every butcher knows that bloodied meat is not prized meat, therefore the pig needs to bleed out slow; and so Arabella took over the job after wrestling with Jude over the task.

Exerpt from the book:

Part First, Chapter X

"Upon my soul I would sooner have gone without the pig than have had this to do!" said Jude. "A creature I have fed with my own hands."

"Don't be such a tender-hearted fool! There's the sticking-knife-- the one with the point. Now whatever you do, don't stick un too deep."

"I'll stick him effectually, so as to make short work of it. That's the chief thing."

"You must not!" she cried. "The meat must be well bled, and to do that he must die slow. We shall lose a shilling a score if the meat is red and bloody! Just touch the vein, that's all. I was brought up to it, and I know. Every good butcher keeps un bleeding long. He ought to be eight or ten minutes dying, at least."

"He shall not be half a minute if I can help it, however the meat may look," said Jude determinedly. Scraping the bristles from the pig's upturned throat, as he had seen the butchers do, he slit the fat; then plunged in the knife with all his might.

"'Od damn it all!" she cried, "that ever I should say it! You've over-stuck un! And I telling you all the time----"

"Do be quiet, Arabella, and have a little pity on the creature!"

"Hold up the pail to catch the blood, and don't talk!"

However unworkmanlike the deed, it had been mercifully done. The blood flowed out in a torrent instead of in the trickling stream she had desired. The dying animal's cry assumed its third and final tone, the shriek of agony; his glazing eyes riveting themselves on Arabella with the eloquently keen reproach of a creature recognizing at last the treachery of those who had seemed his only friends.

"Make un stop that!" said Arabella. "Such a noise will bring somebody or other up here, and I don't want people to know we are doing it ourselves." Picking up the knife from the ground whereon Jude had flung it, she slipped it into the gash, and slit the windpipe. The pig was instantly silent, his dying breath coming through the hole

"That's better," she said.

"It is a hateful business!" said he.

"Pigs must be killed."

The animal heaved in a final convulsion, and, despite the rope, kicked out with all his last strength. A tablespoonful of black clot came forth, the trickling of red blood having ceased for some seconds.

"That's it; now he'll go," said she. "Artful creatures-- they always keep back a drop like that as long as they can!"

The last plunge had come so unexpectedly as to make Jude stagger, and in recovering himself he kicked over the vessel in which the blood had been caught.

"There!" she cried, thoroughly in a passion. "Now I can't make any blackpot. There's a waste, all through you!"

Jude put the pail upright, but only about a third of the whole steaming liquid was left in it, the main part being splashed over the snow, and forming a dismal, sordid, ugly spectacle-- to those who saw it as other than an ordinary obtaining of meat. The lips and nostrils of the animal turned livid, then white, and the muscles of his limbs relaxed.

"Thank God!" Jude said. "He's dead."

"What's God got to do with such a messy job as a pig-killing, I should like to know!" she said scornfully. "Poor folks must live."

"I know, I know," said he. "I don't scold you."

Suddenly they became aware of a voice at hand.

"Well done, young married volk! I couldn't have carried it out much better myself, cuss me if I could!" The voice, which was husky, came from the garden-gate, and looking up from the scene of slaughter they saw the burly form of Mr. Challow leaning over the gate, critically surveying their performance.

"'Tis well for 'ee to stand there and glane!" said Arabella. "Owing to your being late the meat is blooded and half spoiled! 'Twon't fetch so much by a shilling a score!"

Challow expressed his contrition. "You should have waited a bit" he said, shaking his head, "and not have done this-- in the delicate state, too, that you be in at present, ma'am. 'Tis risking yourself too much."

"You needn't be concerned about that," said Arabella, laughing. Jude too laughed, but there was a strong flavour of bitterness in his amusement.

Challow made up for his neglect of the killing by zeal in the scalding and scraping. Jude felt dissatisfied with himself as a man at what he had done, though aware of his lack of common sense, and that the deed would have amounted to the same thing if carried out by deputy. The white snow, stained with the blood of his fellow-mortal, wore an illogical look to him as a lover of justice, not to say a Christian; but he could not see how the matter was to be mended. No doubt he was, as his wife had called him, a tender-hearted fool.

so what can we learn from this? It is food and most of us eat it; just not aware of the processes involved before they are distributed to markets. that is the truth and nothing but the truth. we are by nature hunters, but we have learned to farm to get easy access to food. in this modern age, we are shielded from the truth because we focus more on the economy than the dealings of food, particularly meat. we have expanded as a society and therefore there is a need to feed more mouths.

although, on an important note, people shldn't have poked, prodded, punched, kicked their food around, since it will end up in their stomachs and become their flesh as well... just thank the animal for providing you with food from its flesh and slaughter it...that's the most humane way i can think of.

I dreamed a dream i dread might happen. I dreamed a dream that shatters my own dream..the love of my life being married to sumbody else, being happy with having a son with someone else other than me..making me feel like an ignored third party disrupting the harmony tt was established. In my dream, his parents got them to meet at a restaurant-although he did so begrudgingly-and somehow agreed on marrying her..fair-skinned, curly hair that reach just above the waist..very traditional, does not speak impolitely and good-natured. Then i wondered why he didnt wait for me..i the dream, i had the realisation that it wa due to me needing to take a longer time to settle things in my life like fulfilling expectations of a degree and a good job; at the same time, he was pressured to get married by his family due to him being at a good age to marry.. While at his matrimonial home waiting for a chance to have a good talk with him, i see him accepting and embracing his life; being very proud of the son he had with her.. At the same time, i called school to know my results and whether i could sit for my upcoming final semester exams..with yet again disappointing news..i had to appeal to sit for it. In my state of conscience, the only result i still have not gotten is my business law grade. In my dreams however, even my macroeconomics needed to be appealed for..if all didnt go well, i might graduate as expected. Ive already delayed my own graduation fr 3mths coz i needed to remodule some subjects..*sigh* this is the most stressful semester ive ever gone thru.. Im hoping that with the blessings of the heavens, i'll be able to achieve the dreams i want to dream

it's funny how sometimes the weather can reflect what i feel inside...i don't know if it's a coincidence, but it's happened a few times already...well, this morning as i was on my way to school, it was really hot and sunny...though i wasn't feeling that way. i kept awake cos i cldnt slp thinking about what kinda of interview i was in for, so i ended up feeling groggy and sleepy. on my way back though, i was really upset..like, seriously upset...then it started drizzling a bit...then while i was in the bus, it got really heavy...now there's even thunder and lightning...

there's nothing worse than feeling that you cant do anything to change the outcome of something...in my case, it was nothing more than my CA results..but i guess the way my appeal outcome was dilevered to me was wat made me upset..i felt like it was tactless...first: it was my turn to come into the room for an interview but i was doin my business in the loo..i mean, i had a bad tummy ache...so 1 of my friends came in and told me that if i wasn't there in 3min, i should just go home..im like, WAT?? just get another person in first in place of me, then i go in later...no problem in that right??? so i came in and the lecturer said my appeal wasn't approved. when asked if i could do anything else to change the outcome, he said No matter-of-factly...in my head i was trying to come up with something...then the lecturer said, i think you should just move on because we still have more students after me...it's like my case didnt even matter...like i didnt even matter...these all was wat got me so upset...im like, ok, fine, watever..and i just walked off..

oh well, i guess its just business...and i'm just too sensitive...

hey there! how are you? been a while since i blogged. just kinda lost the habit. the other time i wanted to blog abt smth bt i guess the matter was not to be revealed cos there were some preventative measures implemented that prevented it from being published online..oh well...

ive bn doin great so far..im now in the school comp lab..im the only one here...but i got the company of nice instrumental music through the PA system though..first time i hear music being played in school..hahhah..n yeh, it's damn early i know...it's only just 10:40am. class starts at 12pm...hehe. was supposed to follow him to lavender before school to get his passport renewed, but he just woke up when i was already outta the house..

yeh, ramadhan is here again...a gd time to repent and reflect on life..it's also a good time to give and help people in need..although, this should be practiced in everyday life...i guess months like these are extra special...so u get sort of a bonus in this month...i don't really care, i just try to implement it in my everyday life, doing what i can, the best way that i can...just helping one person get back his or her smile is enough for me..the world truly needs more love to go around...that's what i've always emphasised..but love must come through understanding one another..all the hatred in the world now is just poison...and i hate what it has turned the world into...i hate that only in times of crisis do people band together to work things through...why cant it happen everyday? i mean not everybody's nice to each other...there's always some sort of prejudice going around..gah!! i hate hate hate that!!! leave well alone, i say..

anyways...i'd like to give a big shoutout to my girl all the way in downunder..Sharkie!! miss you babe!! when u cmg back home eh?? you requested for an update..so here's one...will try to update more regularly next time...oh, btw, the youth olympic games is here..it started yesterday...

in the meantime...enjoy your weekend!! yes, i do have school every saturday..wat a bummer right...oh well..

mmmm...this time, made lasagne. i asked mom to make the meat sauce so that when i come home, i just need to make the white cheese sauce and assemble everything together...havnt had home-made ones for some time...and it tasted AWESOME!!! i had like 4 cuts of it...gosh, what a glutton, huh?? aye..wat can i say? what my hands cook just turn into savoury dishes..hehe...nah, just exaggerating...but i do like to whip up dishes from whatever's available, and they taste great..hehe...so for now, my aim is to make a brownie just like how my friend Hafizah made hers. she kept hush hush about how she made hers, so ive bn experimenting...they all turn out into diff types of brownies, just not the ones im aiming for...ones that my friend made are crispy on the outside, chewy on the inside. plus, it felt light when being picked up..not the typical brownies that are usually dense..it's like a brownie with a meringue crisp on the outside, yet marshmallowy chewy on the inside...also, gotta, GOTTA, GOTTA try making the all too famous molten lava cake...mmmmmm choc lovers' delight...cakey exterior with warm, oozy, chocolatey interior...yummmmm...alright, alright, picture time!! oh and im gona surprise Kaya with smth on her b'day...heheheh!!! she's gona love love love it...

 

you see the third square is gone??


here it is on my plate...hehehhe!!


aiming for the brownie to look something like this..


molten lava cake...tantalizing aint it??? mmmmmmm...im just drooling just looking at the pic..

one by one, ppl are getting on my case...wats up with that??? so irritating!!! *sigh* now i feel like im the rope in a tug-of-war with regards to what i should do with life and in life. *sighhhhhhhhh* wat i really want is balance. a way that can please both parties..wtf man...both parties want me to do things their way...to listen to only them...what about what i think; what i want? cant they try to understand me?? just now i was made to choose and i hate it....DAIKIRAI DESU!!!! one thing is, i cant tell my family(mum excluded, ALL aunties included) about what my other half wants me to do...plus, my other half wants me to ignore what my family wants of me. i just cant simply do that...cos with them, wat they say should be final...sure they say and want to try understand me, but it just doesnt happen that way...no understanding at all...

wen i gt hme just now dad was like kinda pissed off and asked where the heck i went to...i mean, thanks so much dad for being concerned about me but i mean i at least come home no matter how late...only on certain occassions i stay out like going to the chalet or if it's the new year's countdown...other than that, nope...never have...unlike that sum1...yeh, sure, that sum1 stays out...claims to stay out in school studying...but in fact is most of the time somewhere else...no getting pissed there...why? results are good...wat the heck man...wat, getting results is the only importance?? cummon!!! get real...if only he knew...haizzz...

anyways, the other day when fetching my cousins at the airport, we saw a case of the sleepy 'H'. didnt take a pic though...but the cars were side by side that i cant help make a story out of it...LOL!!

when starting work..."ooh, i feel so fresh!!"


after work..."gosh im so tireddddd.."


when at home..."zzzzzz....."

sum1 REEEEEEEEEEAAAAALLLLLLYYYYYY needs to go see a psychiatrist. everything is not right according to tt sum1. clothes seem to stink no matter how many times it's been washed; clothes need to constantly be minimal in the wardrobe and then scurry around for more clothes when there is a lack thereof; minimal living is the ideal; neatness is the ideal; focus on weight loss when body looks already quite fine - ideal weight 55kg (that sum1 wld lk like a freaking skeleton if that goal weight is met!!!); tell mom off if things are not done right according to that sum1; even if things are done according to that sum1's request, still tell mom off because of some silly -i duno wat's gone in her head- thing; ultimately, everything is wrong. oh, btw, that sum1 used to like watching scary ass stories...unfortunately, with the influence of Prince Dominatrix, that sum1 seems to be reeeeeeeeaaaaaalllllyyyy scared of such stories now...pathetic.

i have been reminded of what a useless older sister i am; yet again by none other than my kawaii younger sister..isn't life so hilarious? my, my...what have i done to deserve such a credit, i wonder? i have left her alone to do whatever she wants to without comment yet i get such a reward!! yay!! i can't wait for more blessings from her.. ooooh, im so excited!!!!!

 

 

--.--"

it's now the holidays again..finished my last paper just this past saturday..

i somehow decided to look at the photos i have in my laptop and i looked back at my A-Level painting and i'm amazed at myself...i started thinking: did i really paint this picture? how did i get it to look so frighteningly beautiful? what was so different back then and now? why did i quit the artworld? was it because when i was in LaSalle, i got judged and my will wasn't strong enough to make a come-back?

yeh..it was. but i'm still holding the artworld close to my heart. now who's in the wrong here? i guess it was me..i'm not the type of person that likes time constraint..yet with the time i had, made a luxury out of it and wasted it..so i guess being an artist isnt my calling..yet. i still have dreams of making it big someday with my art...and to prove that the school doesnt decide if i can be an artist or not...that decision is up to only me and nobody else.

i remembered that there was an open house when i was in my third year in Millennia Institute and people were allowed to go into the viewing gallery where all our A-level artworks were exhibited. one guy came up to me and told me that i shouldn't be so cynical..i mean, i appreciate the comment but did he try to understand where i was coming from? what i was depicting in my work is absolutely true! what's to be so cynical about that? i mean we humans are the cause of the global warming and many species coming to extinction...yada yada..look at the amazon..once lush and teeming with vegetation and various species of animals, it's rapidly disappearing due to logging. oh man..if i wana go on further, there are just too much to say...

i mean, i must say that we humans are still beasts deep inside, but i believe also in those who seek peace with everything..

umm..i don't mean to be disrespectful, but the title i gave my work is just so uncanny to what happened in the Singapore Zoo not too long ago in the white tiger enclosure..hmm...

Retaliation of the Tiger

humanity, since the dawn of time has always been fighting for true RELIGION. i'd like to see them fight for true PEACE.

i'm tired of hearing the term "holy war". and i'm tired of it being used like it's a toy. i always wondered why humans can't live without fighting. and i always wondered why some maniacal belief resort to killings.

did God give mere mortals the right to judge? NO! for He is the high judge. i sometimes wonder how court officials will be judged when they stand before God in His kingdom; especially if they put a person of innocence behind bars for a long time without trial due to lack of evidence. most severely, bestowing upon them the death sentence.

it just saddens me.

in all of these, i still believe there is goodness even in the heart of the purest of evil. it is only so because evil is only born through having lost the way. just think back to the ANGEL, Lucifer Morningstar. why did he fall and become SATAN, despite his love for God? he lost his way. he also influenced some of his brothers to follow his way of truth. Archangel Michael and his other brothers on the other hand is true to their love for God and bowed down to the first man, Adam, for God's love was what created man. by defying this love of God, it is like defying God himself.

i believe in HOPE. for hope is the light and the path of truth and of justice and mercy and all that is good. so i hope, in God's name that truth will be realised. Love for one another will start by understanding each other.